subsistence

I've lost what little strength I had left. I don't even get out of bed anymore, I don't respond to people. If I see someone, it's out of obligation. I try to force myself to do it. I just breathe and, if I'm lucky, write, to remain somewhat sane. To, at least, be aware that I'm still alive. Capturing and making my pain visible is the only thing that helps me even slightly know that I'm real. The only thing that assures me that I still exist. I seek the certainty of my survival. Although I don't know if I'd say I'm still alive anymore.