stumbling

trying to get clean on my own was like trying not to stumble while standing in a train, going 300 miles per hour, not holding on anywhere. People would watch and judge and tell me to just sit down, but I simply could not. I could not sit down, nor hold onto anything, for there was nothing to hold onto. All the seats are taken and the railing out of reach. So I stand and stumble. over and over God help me, it's tiring. Im tired. for I cannot just sit down. for nobody comes to hold me steady. I scream for help only to be told that scream is not polite. I shall not be loud, no matter how scared I am of falling. how would those who sit understand? I shall rather not talk about it at all. I shall be quiet. for there is no use of screaming.