Spilling guts

I want to throw up. Like, physically start till everything I ever ate today emptied in bile and spit. I want to have my arms shake from gripping the toilet. I don't want to eat. Even if I'm hungry, I'd rather not. I feel fat. I want to hide from my own skin. I want to cry. I feel like I've been used. Like someone ripped my heart from my chest. I want to cut. The rubber band doesn't help as much anymore. But I'm a coward. Every breath feels heavy. Someone kill me.