sorrow

i remember being younger and thinking of a fairytale I remember the sorrow of having it ripped away I even remember when I used to want to die now I don't want to die I just simply no longer have the will to live the people I loved inflicted sorrow on me if I wasn't perfect enough if I wasn't helpful my messed up family only wanted me around when I was valuable.... as if I was a simple asset allowed to live I do not fear death I simply wish to embrace it I hate myself but I love myself? I was looking in the mirror and reminded myself just how useless I was I wanted to cry and scream and yell but nothing happened I cried myself in the fetal position but in my own consciousness I feel useless I feel tired I feel hurt my one reason to live is so comfortable she's my best friend she listens to me she doesn't yell or try to give me advice she just holds me she makes me feel so loved and as if the burden of life is unreal I love her more than anything but not romantically she makes me want to live to keep believing in fairy tales and most of all she gives me purpose through my sorrows she is my favorite person I still suffer through sorrow but she is my shoulder she is my friend and she is my heart