Someone Else

I wish I had the ability to hide my emotions so people couldn't see what was under my facade. Can't see my facial reactions. Can't see what I think. Can't see how I feel. I wish I was paralyzed, so then I wouldn't have to love So that I wouldn't have to be happy. So that I wouldn't have to fake a smile. So that I couldn't feel pain. So that I couldn't cry. So that I couldn't lash out. So that I couldn't be mad. So that people would stay away. So that people wouldn't ask... "Are you okay?" I hate it. I talk too much even though I don't want to. I react even though I don't want to. People can read me like a book. They can see that I'm sad, mad, or happy. They can see when I fake a smile. And I don't want them to see. I don't want to be seen as vulnerable. I'm tired of getting hurt. I'm tired of feeling pain. I just want to go to bed and never wake up. Be the main character for a story Someone everyone looks up to. Someone everyone wants to fight for. Someone who people love. Someone who is able to get out of their pain and become someone great. Someone witty. Selfless. Kind. Loving. A hero. But Im not. Im selfish. Im rude. Im stupid. Im inpatient. I am me, and I hate that. I hate me. I want to be someone else