Since I Could Remember

I just want to live in an empty room With an empty stomach And a warm bed, too I don't want to feel anything Besides the shake in my body And my hands tingling I don't want to go outside and play It's far too cold Tell you I'll go another day I want to throw everything I love out I want it all gone I want it all gone so bad I shout I'm gross and I'm gross and I'm gross I was so close I want it clean and sterile Like a hospital bed Where my thoughts can be fertile And forget the soul I've shed I pick and pick at my skin And wake up each morning Pray to the lord for my next of kin To this weight they'll be conforming Watch mommy cry in her sleep After she sings to you in bed You'll soon too weep And feel nothing in your head Each day I breathe and blink and cry And everyone wonders why I'm so tired I wish I could drop this weight and fly But to the ground it keeps me wired I stay upright as I carry it all See who I could be I could stand so tall I could be free And perfect as a doll I wake up every morning with a dread I know too well And an empty stomach That I never seem to dwell I'm so angry that I don't care I close my eyes and forget what I am Imagine myself as a mare Bursting through a dam