Silent Struggles

I always ask myself if everything will be okay. I'm scared to ask, fearing the answer will be what I don't want to hear. Or the answer might be too good to be true. What if it's not okay? What if I'm too relaxed? What if… I don't know what to do next? I'm tired of pretending to be smart, tired of pretending to be brave. I'm not, I have never been. I'm tired of being compared to kids my age who are better than me. I'm tired… I want to do something, but I don't know what or how to get there. It's like I'm stuck or maybe I'm useless. Why do I feel like this? I see others… It's funny, I'm again comparing myself to others. I don't know what they are going through, but why? Why do I compare myself to them? Why… why do I always feel useless? I don't want to be. I'm trying hard, I really am. But am I really trying? No, I'm not.