Silence

The quiet i have now its the quiet before our memories, the best when I didn't speak and the worst when I did, you knew well too it feels unlovable for you it's irritating for me it's sad but it's not destroying anymore what if I get a chance to go back ? would I ? with you, the easiest were hardest I suffered and suffered but I thought I had sunshine I thought I had warmth when I had you in between my chaos even when you didn't want to I still had you but also the discomfort, when you couldn't be core you with me, I started to act strong for you, so you could lean on me I kept on pushing everything for you, but then you wanted to leave just like that, before my exam day, then i officially started to go crazy after 4 hours of chatting, I realized "I didn't have you all that time, I was imagining" I started to question would I still go back ? only to see, you were there but not there for me I wouldn't so I didn't. now I don't have any of those moments, the silence then felt the worst thing now doesn't have a meaning it can change forms as I shift my choice, just like I did with you. I think our whole thing is a donkey kick to you, where you choose fun, but it choose life lessons.