SHUT IT DOWN!

Why it's hard to understand ? Am I hard to understand? My heart is shuttered like a broken glass,and the sharp pieces are digging in my chest and some small piece are floating in my blood and hurting my other muscles too. My heart is shrinking like a plastic on fire, it can shrink to a point that i dont see it anymore, but it still exists and even then, i can feel evrything. That is why my mind told me to "shut down" But I said "it's the regret after that" Then my heart came,and told me "Just shut it down!" I asked "why" "I don't wana feel it anymore" replied the heart. "But if I shut it down ,there won't be any more emotions!"I protested. "Exactly my point!" Said the brian and the heart together. How bad. I can't take my emotions away or turn it off like a switch,but I can ignore as if they never existed. Maybe I will not feel the burn and the ache anymore,but oh my dear heart,how can decide to not feel any emotion ,when the joy and love and happiness that i chase is an emotion? What if I achive that love and happiness and never know? What if I hold them with both hands and never know that i touched them? I may not want to feel the pain but I don't want to feel nothing. I don't want to feel nothing.