shell of me

my thoughts are swirling like a twister i cant seem to get them to slow i have all this pain i want to get out and express but cant get my brain to put it into words i cant get my eyes to cry tears i cant get my vocal chords to say the things i need it to say im a prisoner to my own thoughts im a shell of the person i was and im scared to realize what that means i knew acting wasnt easy but this is harder than i thought i have no energy but force myself to keep up my bubbly personality if i dont people will ask whats wrong but if they do the dam keeping back my tears will break i dont know how to feel about living anymore i cant bring myself to kill myself but i wont stop someone if they do it for me im drowning in my sorrows instead of drowning them i cant come up for air but ive been down here so long it feels as if i have gills im stuck as an empty shell and its scary when i look in the mirror i dont see myself anymore i look the same but you can see in my eyes that im not there you can hear in my breath that im struggling but no one cares but maybe thats a good thing im scared to tell people how i feel because im scared of how theyll react but maybe thats just the house i grew up in i want to be better