self pity

The lost sad look on my face made him sick and I guess as a child I kept him unwell with the constant tear drops and silent sobbing, So after the beatings my pitiful existence was as displeasing as if he was force fed my soul that was like the process of death and before eating he can smell my spirit rotting, I couldn't even feel being stomped or the damage to my body as much as I feel self hatred and omg the pain of that was just ungodly