self inflicted betrayal

im with a man who hates me who spits the truth of posion and then replaces them with "he'll never replace me" he'll spit in my face then embrace me every curve of my body has been tainted in his eyes because between breaks i lost the grasp of his blue eyes and stared into another set of water colors with the false illusion of home because whilst I made those rapid senseless decisions decisions I was consumed with rage and hollow to the bone my selfish mindless acts have hurt him beyond repair how no matter how much I sing affirmations the betrayal will rattle his skull whilst my affirmations will burn into his skin to only be blown out like they were never there so here I sit broken enduring self inflicted pain im the one who started this I drove us both insane now behind every word I speak he'll take as a empty threat because the man that cherished me hard lost trust and hope for me and ill have to rot in that regret nothing can undue the pain I have caused the scars are deeply embedded i wouldnt blame him if he made me into an afterthought..