scratch that I want love

all I want is to be loved.... but my version of love is not found is reality, just in books. a love that feels like Lana del Rey's song a love that feels like a Barbie movie a love that feels like I'm a lead in a book my kind of love.... I want to be the bane of your existence, I want to feel like a child when I'm with you. I want to feel safe and free with you. I'm an overthinker and self contained, only showing the version of myself that you are comfortable with, but what about what makes me ME! I wanna be taken to dates, I want to go to church with you and pray with u, cuddle with you, go to a bookstore with you, watch old Barbies with you, I want you to pick me up, call me randomly with your perfect English that poisons my mind, give me gifts just because.....treat me like a princess I don't want to have to think, how do I act to keep you, to please you, to hold on to you... I don't want to walk on eggshells around you hoping not to say the wrong words. I'm messy and flawed but still I want to feel in control of my own body and feel as if my decisions matter too. maybe not now but please universe let it be soon, I've had my shares of men who did me wrong, I've repaid karma my debt. it's my turn now