scattered hope

Hope begins to scatter as my mind works. Every time I allow my thoughts to speak, I recoil. It's been a long time since I've been so afraid of losing something, but this time is different; I know he can help me, I can't afford to end it all. I can't force anyone to stay. He insists on doing so, but I don't want to drag him down with me. I don't want to drown my only chance at salvation. And not just because he can help me; I admire him. A person so clean in this world is rare to find, and I wouldn't tolerate dirtying it.