scary thought

why didn't you tell me? you had a scary thought, I get them too sometimes, you get a rush, feel like you've got it figured out, feel like you can do anything. and you did. you did it without me, and I understand why, I just don't think you realized, it wasn't just me, you had family, you had friends, we all fell apart that first day without you. I understand, and try to respect your decision, I get those thoughts too all the time, but I remember how it felt, being on the receiving end of it, how dark and empty and painful, I just couldn't bear to cause that, not again, I know you didn't know, I think if you did, things would have been different. you recognized the beauty in the world, you valued your friends, but you couldn't handle your own head. I love you. I miss you. every day. I hope everything's okay for you now.