scarred

But mama please, stop, make it stop, just stop. Make me feel again, let me please, oh please, oh please, make me feel whole again. I used to think you only lost your soul after death but I'm not so sure anymore. Let me see, let me look, maybe the world isn't so bad, but I've been blinded by trauma, I've lost my sight, my way, my hope, oh but not my despair, no siree. Could there be a time when I'm better? When I don't jump at every shadow, every touch, every movement? Could there be a world where I'm happy, and I'm me again? I'm scared of my name now too. When I see it written, I freeze, when I hear it, my heart shudders to a stop. They took EVERYTHING from me, EVERYTHING. I dream about them too and variations of what happened. I'm fine though, I'm fine, really I mean it. Couldn't be better, I'd say I'm "living my best life" but if this is what my best life looks like then I'm scared to see my worst.