Restless Night

Lying here for hours, Phone in hand, Night slips quietly into morning, Eyes slowly close, Another day goes, Empty and bland— Time slipping like sand. I think, as I waste this precious gift, Wouldn’t it be easier to die? But then I pause, And wonder why— The pain it would cause, Not to me, But to those I choose to love, A weight I cannot lift. Yesterday’s shame, Tomorrow’s dread, Fill my mind with fear and regret, Failing, Becoming nothing, A life only worsening, Is there any hope ahead? If there were a way To vanish, disappear, Leave behind enough For those I hold dear— I’d take it in a heartbeat, With no trace left behind, I’m stuck in this bind. Yet, even then, I lack the nerve, For fear grips me, A tomorrow so dark It haunts my dreams. And at this point, I really just want to die, Escape this life, No more tears to cry. The fear of uncertainty Is killing me, The end seems better Than struggling toward nothing, For at this point, The dark feels less daunting, Than living a life That’s endlessly haunting.