Remembrance

Childhood, what is left of it. I barely remember, some say to be grateful, it's my body's way of protecting me. I didn't ask for protection. I didn't ask for any of it. By the age I could ask, I did. I asked everyone and anyone, who would. I wanted to be touched to be seen, to be heard, the only way I knew how. innocence, was stolen, not once but many times. Even when asked, something did not sit right. something was missing. it was love I wanted, I earned for it, I had never felt complete, because so many pieces has been stolen, used, abused, friends are non existent. Men, men are my only interest. If I keep going like I am someday I will fill this hole inside of me. Age 19: I am empty, my plans never worked, my body has been taken thousands of times. That is the amount I remember. Not accounting, blacked out advantage that I'm sure was taken as well. 23: I can't do this, I need help. My daughter need a mother who has Integrity. My daughter needs me to heal, because if I don't I can't be who she needs. How, why do I deserve it. I've chosen so many times the same path, the emptiness. I know she deserves it. I want to feel I deserve it just as much.