relapse

I wake up in the morning I brush my teeth and I shower I eat regular meals at regular times I do what I'm supposed to do in order to keep my body going I left self harm one year ago yet there's still so many lingering thoughts they don't love you you'll die alone everyone will leave you you have no purpose no one wants you here do it. do it do it do it I can't stop thinking about it no matter how hard I try no matter the medication I take no matter the coping skill I learn it never stops and I'm afraid to really tell anyone because once I've spoken it, it becomes a known reality.