Red Lines

⚠️⚠️⚠️TW (SA, LANGUAGE, SH, SUICIDE)⚠️⚠️⚠️ Drawing red paint on my legs makes his touch seem to go away. A numbing that seems to pulse throughout my body. And I can't get my knees close enough to make it seem okay. Sometimes I feel like I can hear his voice calling me something naughty. But it's anything but attractive, it feels like acid on my skin. His voice seems to kill my last hope I have for this cruel world. Writing my last letter like as if my life was about to end. Acting if my last breath was just something to give a whirl. I wanna feel numb, to forget what he did. His hands lingering were I didn't want. I wanted to go into a trash-can with a permanent seal. I couldn't say no, so why did I feel like the cunt? Red painted lines on my skin didn't feel like much to begin. I drag anything sharp enough across my wrists. No one knows about, so it doesn't and didn't happen. Romeo and Juliet sealed undying love with a kiss. So is there something I missed, I followed the rules. I did want they had written, love a boy. So why did I feel like I was one of his tools. Something that he saw a s*x toy. Red painted lines make me numb. I thought love was real. Maybe I was just dumb. I don't know how to feel.