Real me

I want to express what is inside me too, but how can I do it when I do not understand what is inside me? I feel empty.. My problem is not people.. I can be rude to those who are rude to me.. My personality is not weak.. Everyone knows me as fun, funny, positive... I'm social but not coincidental with myself..It's not a poem, but I want to write what's in my mind right now.. I was crying a few moments ago. I tried to talk to my best friend, but I quickly changed the subject even though I needed help...I am empty inside