Rant

The more I write these dark poems about my depression, PTSD, anxiety and OCD, the more I become just that. I am a person who will experience things that bring me joy. I will fight my brain and challenge dark thoughts so that they are not passed down to my daughters. I look at their faces and the need to protect them at all costs comes out. Then thoughts of the lifeless body and my survivors guilt stabs my brain and puts me into shock. It freezes me in my tracks and becomes me. It completely takes over and I cannot breathe. Then I remember the looks in my children's eyes, they need me. They need me to overcome damage that has been done to me so that they will never experience it. I will treat myself better and think of good times and things I have in the present that make me happy and I will not let the demons become me. I am safe, they are safe, I will not relive my trauma and I will not stop fighting until I become myself again.