random thoughts

it's happening again the waves of my past are Crashing in on me and I'm gasping for breathe, drowning under the current my anxiety is pulling me into the deep I fight to swim back to safety but it's happening again..... The mania is transitioning back into depression I try to warn people the ones that promise to love me forever I say don't make promises you may not be able to keep I know what loving me means I take up alot of emotional space and require alot of patience you haven't seen the parts of me that I keep guarded the deepest darkest parts of me that scare even myself but to promise forever means that inevitably you will I wouldnt mean to do it, I would instantly regret it you'd see the parts of me I try not to be, the parts I locked away years ago and try to escape it happens everytime someone makes that promise before understanding what they were promising if you really mean forever then your entangling your self into chaos it's a heavy load, and most people can't shoulder even the half that they actually see let alone the full amount I carry on my back everyday it's ok tho I understand, I'm used to it and I'm cool to keep carrying all it just please don't make promises you can't keep