:( (pt1/3)

Like, i NEED to prove a point, leave a mark otherwise it doesn't matter Too much too much too much and I can't shake this feeling that it will all come crumbling down someday in the near future, who do I tell? Who do I go to? I crave people, I crave company. I can't even be normal about it. I cling on and beg for connection until it eats me alive. Until it eats away at everybody. I dont want to do that to people. I want to be enough, I want to be wanted, I want to be right. It's SO messy. Distance creates illusions. It's like im sundowning. And immediately, all of those familiar old feelings come back to bite me. Except, theyre so much larger, now. They've grown with me. I want to be wanted. All I want is to be wanted. A clingy, quivering little mess. Please want me. Please. I beg and plead, shake me off your leg like an anxious puppy. Please, just pretend for even a moment that you want me. That it is me. I cant fathom the idea that somebody who I loved so dearly, somebody who was my everything, that they let go of me so effortlessly and carelessly. Im so desperate that its actually pathetic. People stand back and laugh at me. Was I not enough? Too much.