Porter Of Pain

Sadness seems to be my natural preset. Yet when it comes down to it, happiness is always my bet. Do I contradict my nature seeking the sun at night. Or is there a role to be played by the light. Its not so bad, bearing all this pain. But only alone can I bear it without feeling shame. For this pain hurts those I let see my moon. That hurt sets all my coping mechanisms out of tune. My dilemma lies in not wanting to be alone. It originates from my hearts desire to find a home. Am I to ignore that which my heart holds dear. Or is my need for companionship just a passing fear. I lay awake in my dreams, seeking direction. I sit and dream, awake seeking perfection.