please?

where are you? can you move with me? can you hold me when you are not there? please tell me how to communicate with your ascent presence. because I need something, could I hold on to something that gives me hope? in these last days oh GOD oh GOD please oh GOD I can't help what it is I can't explain. BUT may you give me the strength to continue to try. when will the Phoenix wake up my inner Scorpio? I'm cutting deep oh GOD oh GOD this isn't me IS IT? what is it I do for the time being without you? I'm lost without your moving spirit. may the 👼🏾cherubims🧝🏾‍♂️ give me just one head out of four👣😮‍💨 that ONE would at least get her to talk back😓 I've done wrong enough to know the difference between black and white. so for the rest of my life I give myself the taste of putting my milk before her breast and the task of forcing my head to the dry grains that I find so unpleasant at times.