Part two: Pain

the pain inside. So you scratch, cut, press, burn not because you want to die, but because you want the pain inside to stop. Because for those few seconds, the sharpness of the wound overpowers the numbness of your heart. But the relief is always short-lived. What follows is deeper shame, and a silence that grows thicker every day. And slowly, your soul begins to shut down. You stop praying. Not because you don’t believe but because you feel unworthy. You used to raise your hands in du’a with hope, now you don’t even know what to ask for. You used to cry in sujood, now you just cry in bed. You start to think maybe Allah is disappointed in you. Maybe you’ve drifted too far. You feel guilty, but stuck. You long for the sweetness of faith, but your heart feels like stone. This is the pain no one sees. The battle inside your chest. The quiet war between wanting to feel close to your Lord again and feeling too broken to try. But what we often forget is that Allah never left. Even in the darkness, He sees you. Even in the silence, He hears you. Even when you feel distant, He is near — closer than your jugular vein. You may feel undeserving, but He is still the Most Merciful. You may feel impure......