only in my dreams

it's crazy I'd sit here remembering the days when I used to say he was my dream cuz I never seen him in there in the beginning that's where it was then he became reality and I was scared like an idiot push them away but I guess I didn't see now I guess the consequences who knows me no longer see him except for once in awhile eclipse here and there but I won't let myself stare because I know good and well he'll be gone in a blink and the monster will arrive to brake me at any stake and the man I love will disappear just as fast as he got here and with him the love that might still be is gone then the monster is alone with me and Jesus only nows how that beast will act but only thing I no is simple fact the monster is a enemy he hates that I even breathe and with every action word ad creed my soul he makes run and flee sad that I don't know what I did for the to appear or if e was there all alone setting his stairs I can imagine why he hates me or even my he tolerates me it's hard to think and try to see where he and why or how I went wrong I wish I could see them maybe I could fix it it sucks to question my swlf everyday womdering if he still some wehere may feel the same way needeing to know if he still