On Days....

On days when it feels like my heart yearns for nothing more than the quiet embrace of cold dirt and moss covering my bones. I go outside with a camera, anything capable of capturing something. And I wander aimlessly in places maybe I've lived my entire life but never truly seen, and sometimes in places I've never been seeing it through the fog of pain for the first time. I take photos of the way light dances through the flesh of dying leaves. Of how lichen slowly grows on all things in these mountains. And it makes my heart ache to know that there is such devastating beauty to be seen through my camera, and still, I do not want to be here on days like this. For if still in moments watching as the light fades beautifully through the trees can not make the illness in me stutter for a moment. Well, I'm unsure of what else to do. For this beauty makes me yearn all the more for the feel of moss growing on my bones as I grow ever more brittle in the fading light of the sun through wavering leaves.