oh death, why?

I sometimes wonder how it would have been to have you around I wonder how life will have turn out seeing my grandmother hurt, hurt by your absence breaks me me being this brave, being brave not to let my hurt free being free by telling her how much I really miss you I'm a good actor during but at night at night, I don't know how to act I love smiling but I smile with a heart that is broken sometimes it feels like I'm choking I still need you around the thing is, I am normal but not really normal I hope to see you one day and spend some time alone with you