Now and Never

I feel my heart is wrenching and ask myself is it all worth it? The pain... the crying... the anguish... The nights that I number the lines in the ceiling. The recoil at the thought of food The days I spent mindlessly, watching the birds fly peacefully the Cockerels crow And went food hunting. The swooshing sound of the cycles as they passed me, barely missing. The dust in day and then weeks, reduce to sticky earth. The earth never stops changing. Signs and signals surrounds me. But my legs weigh a ton, moving was an impossible task. The prickling feeling in my chest.u It hurts like it should never do. Down and hopeless All for the past that ties me , in an anguishing knot. Is it all worth it, to lose my time, my life. Over a time that will never be again, not now, not ever.