nothing's wrong (tw)

Waking up with red eyes and the same numb feeling I got last night. Last night, when I cried my self to sleep cause it was too much to handle. Going to school now with the same red eyes as the ones who saw the blood dripping from my arm. I keep telling my self I'm not ok, but when a friend asks how I'm doing I lie that I'm fine. Cause nothings wrong. Along my day I keep thinking about dying, I don't want to but it seems just as an easy way out. Out of this pain. But still I can't complain, cause nothings wrong. At dinner my little brother tells about his day, than he asks me what I did today. Smiling I say that I had a great day at school, but behind the mask all thats there are overthinking thoughts. Struggling not to say anything about it to my parents, they think I'm fine. Cause nothings wrong. At night staring at a blade, the blade that I draged a cross my skin many times. Just to finely feel somting other than numb. I try to call my friends, so I have a distraction from all the overwhelming thoughts. They don't pick up, so I go back to thinking what will happen when I cut my self in my wrist. But nothing's wrong right? -🥀