No is simple to understand.

I felt no urge to struggle I felt no need to thrash and scream, I said no repeatedly but you continued to plea, I gave in to you eventually, I let you touch me and I let you use me until I cried fake-happy tears , I moved into you as you moved on to me, I begged for more, but I just wanted you to stop, i let you do what you wanted even if i often disagreed, I let this happen again and again until I was to disgusted by you, and to disgusted in myself. I was 13, and I said no, and you said you didnt want to wait anymore now I'm older and I've learned I wasnt the one in the wrong, I've learned you should have listened the first time I said no.