never really there..

What a thought. I know nothing good. I tried to explain it, but no words would let me speak. I hear the shutters of whispers and chat, I know it’s about me — I can feel it. What a thought. I know it’s not that bad. I try to make it happen, turned down too many times. You let me believe my thoughts were so great, but now I know nothing of what you ever wanted with me. What a thought. I know I shouldn’t cry about it. I try to move on, but nothing seems to work. You’re still holding my hand in my dreams, yet I have to face you never held it in the first place. And maybe that’s the worst part — not that you left, but that you were never really there. What a thought. To miss something that never existed. still feeling so much, but I never really should of - right?