My unsuccessfully hated boy

I don't know what love feels like. I'm young. I have enough time. But... sometimes, when I look at you, I start to wonder if maybe I do know what love feels like. Is it love I feel for you or just a simple crush, because there are feelings there and I don't know what they are. I tell myself that you're just a silly crush, a unrequited story, but everytime I hear your name or I see you, my stomach turns and my heart picks up speed. I hate how confused you make me. I hate how often you run through my mind. I hate how you give me so many mixed signals. I want to hate you so fucking much, but I can't. I just can't. I've tried it far too often and it takes only a few second of eyecontact with you to bring my feelings back. It is truly frustrating. You make me question everything. I wonder if it's love I feel for you, while you probably don't even waste a thought on me. And if you do, I'm certain it has nothing to do with love. I'll try to hate you again, even though I already know I'm going to fail. Because, I think I love you and it scares me. It scares me so greatly, but you make it worth it. My unsuccessfully hated boy.