My only thoughts

Her hands reach down wandering, exploring. A curious toddler at heart, really Harmless. Right? I freeze. What do I do? Move? Scream? Or... Just let it happen. Was it really that bad? Am I imagining things? "You like that don't you?" I can't get those words out of my head, they eat away at my soul, every happy memory stolen from me by just one thought. One single line. A sentence. Was it really that bad? I move and laugh it off. Just friends, being friends. Right? I've tried to get those words out of my head... maybe if I: Drink? Smoke? Smoke weed? Torment myself for hours on end thinking about how I could have stopped it? Nothing works. I don't think it ever will. That was the first time. "C'mon, just say yes, it will be fun" She lied. She lied to... me? She lied. My head spirals in circles and knots far too fast to comprehend. Do I say yes? Do I say no? Shall I just give in? Just do what she wants and it will be easier She'll stop asking. Won't she? I give in and, It doesn't feel better. In fact, it leaves me with scars and marks. Branding me with the mental torture and pain of my own minds making. Relentless. Endless. That was the second time. "Let's do it again!" I, don't want to? I think. I feel