my mom died

I don’t want to wake up anymore without my mom. She died—at least, technically. I guess the mom I knew and loved did. I miss her. I miss her making sure I ate. I miss her taking care of me when I was sick. I miss her wanting to hang out with me. I just want my old mom. It feels like she died, so I don’t want to wake up again. She loved me. What happened? Did I stop loving her? Did I mess up? I’m grieving someone who didn’t die, but everyone acts like everything is fine. So I can’t lay in bed all day crying, and because no one died, no one calls or checks up on me—because nothing’s “wrong.” I really don’t want to wake up anymore knowing I have to live without my mom, my best friend. How do I even grieve someone who isn’t dead? I must be crazy. If my mom died now, I don’t think I would cry as much as I have for my real mom who already died.