my inner child's Pain

April 19, 2019, you left this world, And I miss you, Dad, my heart unfurled, But the memories of pain still linger, From the days when you were lost, a heavy drinker. Before I was five, you had me in the scene, Partying hard, where no child should've been, Playing pool in the garage, men drunk and mean,Their eyes on me, so vile, so obscene. I learned to chug beers, two cans in five, Became like you, just trying to survive, But I never crossed that darkest line, Hurt my own kids? That’s not my design. How could you, Dad? The hurt you bestowed, Left scars so deep, they’ll never erode, Yet I miss you still, with all my heart, Wishing things had been different from the start.