My Favorite Narcissist

You see, I swear I'm not insane, please believe me doctor, when I say that I'm in pain, that I'm rotting away day after day. I'm not being paranoid, please miss believe me, I beg of you to pull back the curtains and see, what happens inside. I do not appear bloody or bruised, my appearance is defensive and untrusting, I fear others and I fear myself... but I'm not insane, I'm hurt, I hurt. When the gaslighting starts, I don't know where I end and where she begins, when the lovebombing starts I learn to push her away, only for her to turn to the doctors to say, that I'm distant and cold, that I hurt this family by not excepting her touch. I know I love her, but to think she's capable of loving anyone outside of herself feels absurd. She sweet and she's giving, when others are around. I have learned that my friends are my shield, if they could stay here a little longer, it prolongs the inevitable, the argument to come. How I wish they could have seen what I've seen, to pull back the curtains, to take off her mask, just to show, how I'm truly alone. I do not wish this life on anyone, and I know people have it worse... but it doesn't stop the hurt.