my dad...

I remember running to my dad's arm screaming my dad's home but but now when I try to give him a hug I have to imagine it he said that he's going to try and get better for me but I know that's just a dream that he keeps saying he promised so many times but every time and I'm just beginning to think it's a lie every time I think of it I start to cry but I don't know whether or not I'm fake crying or I'm crying for real because I haven't seen him since I was like four from being for real but I've seen him a couple more times after that I've seen them from the phone when I heard his voice a lot that doesn't mean that I know him sometimes I cry about it but that doesn't mean I have to fake cry about it I'm not sad about it but I'm not happy about it either if you were still here I would be a lot more happy but I know that if you want that if you were here then nothing that is happening would have happened I'm not saying that I wish that you never stayed but that doesn't mean I'm saying that I wanted you to stay I love my dad but he was never in my life.