Mother why

Mother why did you marry so many men who left me with trauma. Mother why were you so caught up with your love for them you were unable to see the abuse? Mother why did you make me promise to never commit suicide when your love for these men make it worse. Mother why did you marry someone who you know only cares for you? Mother why did you not let me see a therapist. Mother why. Why can't I love myself. I love you so much but why can't you love me for me and understand. The trauma I suffer is because of your choices so why don't you understand it can't heal in a few hours. Mother why can't you understand I'm not perfect. Mother why.