Mortal Shell

I sit on the edge of my bed In total darkness Somehow feeling more empty Then the nothingness surrounding me My heart aches .. The tissue scarred The valves are damaged , blood pumping through me yet I don't feel a thing My mind runs through thoughts So vile only my heart feels the effect of it all I'm lonely I'm sad I just want love Do I even know how to love ? Can I be properly loved ? I wonder It seems I can no longer feel Without pain coming along for the ride Maybe I'm addicted Not to her but the pain she gives me Maybe I don't feel alive The only time I feel is when it cuts deep This mortal shell isn't forgiving And I don't forgive myself For putting it through this When will I let go