Mom

Mom I listen to loud music when I'm sad, it takes the pain away and numbs the pain. Mom I I listen to toxic music when I want to get drunk or drown my pain in alcohol. Mom I listen to sad music when I think about him to try and understand why he did what he did n to make myself feel better, rid all my feelings and feel OK. Mom I release my pain through anger and frustration. I yell a lot when I'm in pain and I shout at anyone for the most useless things. I get angry when I'm in pain and vent my anger when I'm in pain. Mom I cry when I'm angry not because I'm angry but because I'm in pain. I harm myself when I blame him, not harm that could cause me to bleed, harm that will leave my skin red, I am satisfied when it's red but sometimes I want to bleed, I want to inflict severe pain and leave scars but I'm scared of the pain. I want to bleed but I can only hurt until the pain is sweet. Mom I eat a lot when I want to stop the tears from falling in front of you. Mom I barely eat when my heart is in severe pain. Mom I laugh a lot when I'm numb, when I no longer feel anything, when I have shutdown syndrome. Mom I've lost my mind once, mom I've loved and I've lost. Mom my heart is broken beyond repair. Mom where were y