Mind Torture

I am going to be forced to continue to watch everyone I ever cared for or liked live their lives right in front of me, without me in it Forever wishing that I could participate or have my own life. And there's not a single thing I can do about it. Rejection after rejection, anxiety attack after anxiety attack, life event after life event, watching, waiting, hoping, always chasing the day I wish to come, but is seemingly out of my reach Desperately grasping for every crumb of attention, kindness, and love given, and having to live off that Watching people that I want to be with so desperately; be taken, or not feel the same way. Hoping that they'll change their minds, and I will finally get the attention and care i crave so heavily. But yet I know that even if I got my way, my mind would collapse, and I would recede so far into myself that I would have to push everyone away, to try and recover myself. It Eats Me Alive It's eating me alive