mind cage

my mind is like a cage, sometimes it opens up and I'm able to talk about everything but right now ... it's closed with hundreds of locks without a key nearby. I want to tell you what's going on, but I can't. I give excuses saying I don't wanna talk about my nightmares, scared to tell that they are about us. scared to be honest cause maybe u will think I'm childish or like u once said emotional. I don't want to be like that... My mind is like a cage, asking me questions as if I'm a prisoner, does he really love me, what if he actually doesn't want to meet my family and gives excuses why he isn't able to visit me? is his free weekend to spend alone more important then talking to me. I shake my head and tell myself he's working always he needs to rest, he had a lot going on. my heart speaks up and tells me that I also have a lot going on the Los of my grandaunt that died just a week . And u just pushed the emotions aside telling yourself nothing is wrong, but here u are sitting in the cage thinking, crying hoping the mind cage will open again, so your able to talk about how u feeling, but it seems like it will take some time. so rest in the mind cage child and the keys will slowly appear.