Mentally ill

I'm ill, Not physically but mentally I'm ill, My brain is fucked and there's no way out, I'm in my head about the things I've said or done, I'm the person I promised I would never be, People say there's so many things to be happy about and that's the truth but it doesn't always work out, My head is filled with so much shit but I can still have a smile rise from cheek to cheek, Day and night my head will scream but I won't show anyone what it really means, I'm really ill so it seems.