Mental Hell

I deserve it all, the feelings, the thoughts, living in a mental hell, putting on a happy shell, hiding my pain, just want to make her happy again, im to blame for everything that came, I love her to death, I hope she still feels the same, inside im full of shame for the deeds that I have done, what have I become, pushing her away for my own selfish fun, these things can never be undone, I've failed as a husband father and son, I look in the mirror, the man looking back is unclear, so much fear, who is he?, is that who I've come to be?,