mental health

My mental health is fucked. Ive been closing myself from the world. Closing myself from talking to anyone. Ive lost all of my friends because of that. When im with someone i dont know what to say because everything that my mind thinks about is how to end it all. I'm in my room all day listening to music and being inside of my head. People often ask me how i am, i always say that i'm good and that there is nothing to worry about. I would love to tell someone how i really feel. Where my mind really is. But i'm scared. Scared of losing the only person that actually cares about me. Scared of him thinking that all i am is depressed and sad. Because I love him. And i don't know what i would do if i also lose him.