melancholic hope

here I lay in my bed the fabric as the only source of warmth when my thoughts are torn by frozen knives. I can't find the strenght to fall asleep the hopeful dreams keep me awake making tears fall down my face, my pillow. I end up longing for things I lost hope in I will never feel this. I loose each day one of the threads that keep me up on my two feet but I wonder if I'll ever find the one that will let me fall down for once and for all. I stumble on the pavement my mind turned into gold. I keep on breathing because they said "one day it will come" but I am low on oxygen. I try to make it make some sense. I could try and scream but it'll only entertain like I do now