lunch table

you sit at the lunch table with your friends admiring that blonde pretty skinny girl that you always sat with you wonder if she actually likes you? you wonder if they actually enjoy being your friend, you wonder all of the drama has you in a loop, confused and worried that you'll end up sitting alone like that one kid who talks to himself. maybe that would be the best your imagination can run free with no one to say anything bad about you. no one to hurt your feelings. no one to compare yourself to just yourself, but then again you still sit with the same group of girls. beautiful! pretty smart and then you you wish you looked like them. you wished you were like them but you would always be a black sheep. you would get called pretty but you would never believe it. you get called nice but you would never believe it because of all the smart clapbacks you've said to the stupid boys, who've hurt your heart to all the people who say that someone hates you and it really cuts deep horribly it hurts and yet you still tend to sit with the same girls because you're scared of abandonment. you're scared of being hated You're scared and people say it's okay. your therapist says it's okay but it doesn't feel like it